DATE: Tuesday, February 25, 1997            TAG: 9702250028

SECTION: DAILY BREAK             PAGE: E1   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: BY MAL VINCENT, ENTERTAINMENT WRITER 

                                            LENGTH:   85 lines

WHO'S BEING DEFENSIVE? ``CAVEMAN'' TAKES AFFECTIONATE LOOK AT DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

``HOW MANY marriages do you think your show has broken up?''

The Caveman recoiled at the question.

``None. None at all,'' said Rob Becker. ``I hope you aren't going to write that. We won't sell two tickets. My show is an affectionate comedy about men and women. Therapists have recommended (it). Couples come out holding hands.

``All my life, they said I'd be either a psychiatrist or a comedian. Now, I'm both.''

I told him about the time I saw ``Defending the Caveman,'' his solo show opening tonight at Chrysler Hall, with a woman friend on Broadway. We spent two hours not quite arguing about it. She said it was too kind to men. I said she was wrong. We're still friends.

``She was reacting to the title,'' Becker said over lunch recently. ``She probably thought I was actually `defending' something. I actually think this show is coming off 30 years of propaganda that has been telling us that men and women are the same.

``It's the baby-boomer generation's thing that kept telling us that we were not supposed to be different. That might be OK in politics or in job-hiring, but it's not a practical idea when you're living with somebody. Thinking they're the same isn't going to get you anywhere.''

The show recently set a record as the longest-running, non-musical solo performance in Broadway history. With Becker clinging to his best friend, the TV set, and clutching the remote control, it forthrightly claims that men traditionally are hunters and women gatherers.

Becker, 40, looks innocent enough as he elaborates.

``A hunter is someone who concentrates on his prey to the exclusion of everything else. A guy does one thing at a time, and he's in competition. A woman looks at things overall. She wonders and notices and picks. In other words, she shops.''

A native of California, Becker took a class in stand-up comedy years ago. He was playing clubs in San Francisco, with no marked success, when he began including material about his relationship with his wife of 10 years, Erin.

``I remembered when we got married, that she made a big thing about having the invitations engraved in silver,'' he said. ``I had never thought about the invitations one way or the other.''

But the idea for ``Caveman,'' Becker said, goes back even further - to his elementary school days when he caught the bus with six girls. ``Because I was the only guy, they'd ask me why guys do certain things? I'd have to answer and that was probably one of my first defenses.''

His first bit on men vs. women was a familiar topic: Who fills the chip bowl? ``Women would go out together and cooperatively fill it,'' he said. ``The guys, on the other hand, would have a discussion. One would say, `It's my house, so you fill the bowl.' Another would say, `I bought the chips, so you go get them.' There would be a competition.''

``Defending the Caveman'' was written over three years and first performed at a San Francisco club in 1991.

``At first, the comedy club told me it was too theatrical and that I should return to doing stand-up,'' he said. ``I was insulted and moved it to another house, claiming outright that it is theater, not stand-up. Stand-up comedy is made up of jokes and one-liners. Theater has a beginning, middle and ending. It's structured. This is theater.''

He took it to Dallas, Philadelphia, Chicago and Washington, D.C., prior to opening on Broadway in March 1995. It got mixed reviews, but the word-of-mouth was terrific. More than 1 million people have seen it.

After more than 400 performances, Becker yearned to return to the road. The show, however, simply wouldn't close. He had posted a closing notice when Michael Chiklis, star of the TV series, ``The Commish,'' came backstage and urged Becker to let him take over the role. He must have made a convincing argument. Chiklis is starring on Broadway while the show's creator is in Norfolk, with an extended cross-country tour planned.

Becker, who has turned down TV offers to keep ``Caveman'' going, admits he still hasn't figured it all out.

``A woman feels ignored if you don't talk to her every minute, but studies show that on the average, a woman will speak 7,000 words a day, while men speak 2,000,'' he said. ``So many times I come home and Erin says I'm in a bad mood or mad at her. Now, I realize I'm just out of words. I've already done my 2,000. She's got 5,000 left.''

She's probably not surprised that their arguments often end up on stage.

``Debating is a way of male bonding,'' Becker said. ``Men feel closer after debate. Women, on the other hand, if they have a debate with a man, they say they never want to see him again.'' ILLUSTRATION: [Color photo]

HUY NGUYEN/The Virginian-Pilot

``All my life they said I'd either be a psychiatrist or a

comedian,'' says ``Caveman'' star Rob Becker. ``Now, I'm both.''

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