DATE: Sunday, April 20, 1997                TAG: 9704200057

SECTION: LOCAL                   PAGE: B3   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: BY JUNE ARNEY, STAFF WRITER 

DATELINE: CHESAPEAKE                        LENGTH:  120 lines

CHESAPEAKE ABUSED WOMEN HAVE PALS TO LEAN ON PROGRAM ONE OF 3 IN THE AREA THAT WALKS VICTIMS THROUGH THE LEGAL PROCESS.

The 28-year-old mother of three tucked her children into bed and walked to her room. That's when someone hit her on the head and she fell to her knees.

Two intruders dragged her to the kitchen. One intruder slipped a belt around her neck and tightened it, she says. His female accomplice then taped her hands and feet with brown packing tape. Then the man pulled a knife, held it to her face and threatened to kill her.

At that point, her 7-year-old son walked in.

This attacker was no stranger. He was the man the woman had married nine years earlier, she says. The female accomplice used to be a friend of hers.

Now her husband faces charges of attempted murder, abduction, assault, breaking and entering and violating a protective order. A preliminary hearing is set for May 8 in Chesapeake Juvenile and Domestic Relations Court.

The husband denies the charges. and said he has witnesses who will testify he was with them that night.

His alleged accomplice faces charges of attempted murder, abduction and breaking and entering.

The victim remembers hearing her son tell the 911 operator: ``My mommy's tied up, she can't breathe and my daddy did it.''

The police officer who answered the call told her she would have been dead soon in another 30 minutes to an hour, the woman says.

``If my son had not been awake, they would have found me there dead in the morning,'' she said.

The woman is one of about 200 people whoseek protection each year from the men who are supposed to love them through a Chesapeake volunteer program called PALS - People Advocating in the Legal System. Last year, about five men sought protection from women.

In the case of the 28-year-old mother, the problems go beyond the usual scope of PALS volunteers, who usher victims through the legal maze of getting orders of protection. But PALS director Linda Nimershiem, a full-time volunteer, remains by her side.

Typically, she and the program's five volunteers explain the law and court procedures. The volunteers include an intern from Norfolk State University and one from Old Dominion University. The volunteers cover such basics as reminding victims to bring documentation of medical treatment, photographs and witnesses.

``Generally, the abuse has been going on for years, and they've finally come to do something about it,'' Nimershiem said. ``We step in to help them follow through.''

About one-third of the cases the volunteers handle involve people who've taken out charges before but dropped them, she said.

``It's surprising and disappointing how many go back in the situation they just left hoping that things will be better,'' Nimershiem said.

Nimershiem said she encourages the women to pursue a protective order and to keep it in place for a year to remind their partner to act appropriately.

A preliminary protective order stays in effect until the court date. The hearing to make the order last for a year is supposed to happen within 15 days, Nimershiem said.

``It's OK to still love him, but you've got to hold him accountable,'' she said. ``I want women to be taken seriously when they come in here. I feel like educating them is the best way I can protect them.''

As a one-time victim of an abusive relationship, Nimershiem says she understands what the women are going through.

She said she seldom shares her personal experiences with them, but when she does, the message is a powerful one.

``Then they know I can relate,'' she said.

For Nimershiem, satisfaction comes in knowing she is helping people be taken seriously in the courtroom.

``It is really emotionally draining,'' she said.

Virginia Beach has a similar program called F.A.N.S. - Family Advocacy Network Services - which is also volunteer. Norfolk has a program called S.A.F.E. - Spousal Abuse Friend and Educator Program - which has a paid director and is staffed by volunteers, Nimershiem said.

``The hardest part is letting go of these people,'' Nimershiem said. ``I want to call and follow up. But really our job ends the day the court hearing ends.''

But cases like the one Nimershiem watched recently make letting go hard.

This was the story of a deaf woman who tried to take out an order of protection in October. When she showed up for a November hearing, her husband came to interpret her sign language. PALS and court officials quickly realized that allowing the husband to translate would never do. The case was continued until Feb. 6 when an interpreter joined the woman in the courtroom.

For the first time, Nimershiem and other PALS volunteers heard the woman's version of the story about the man she married seven years earlier.

``All the time I'm scared, I'm afraid,'' she told Juvenile Judge Eileen Olds. ``He's always coming in the house and sitting. He won't help me clean. He shakes his finger in my face, and I don't understand when he's signing. I don't understand.''

She also complained that her husband forced her to have sex and pushed her around.

Her husband pleaded guilty to an Oct. 15 assault and battery. The judge imposed a protective order but allowed the couple to continue to live together, while forbidding any ``hostile contact.'' The judge delayed ruling on the assault until June, when the couple is to return to court. In the meantime, the judge ordered the husband to take anger-management classes. The husband and wife will attend family counseling together.

The man seemed troubled that his marital problems had spilled into the daylight of the courtroom.

``Every time she gets with her friends there's a problem,'' he said. ``I know she's slow a little bit. I work with it. I've been working with her for seven years. If her friends would stop meddling with us, we could work this out.''

In the end, the husband said: ``I've got to learn to be patient.''

When Nimershiem goes home at night, she replays conversations with clients in her head.

``It's hard for me to just let go and say that case is closed,'' she said.

Nimershiem can't help but worry.

``Every time I hear on the news or read in the paper about a death from domestic abuse, I pray that it wasn't in Chesapeake, that it wasn't a woman who came through here,'' she said.

Anyone interested in volunteering for Chesapeake's PALS program should call Linda Nimershiem at 382-8172. The agency is looking for volunteers who can make a commitment of one day or one morning a week. ILLUSTRATION: Photo

STEVE EARLEY/The Virginian-Pilot

Linda Nimershiem is the director of the People Advocating in the

Legal System, or PALS, program in Chesapeake. The program guides

abused women and men through the legal system to prevent further

abuse, generally by seeking restraining orders. KEYWORDS: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SPOUSAL ABUSE

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