DATE: Sunday, April 20, 1997                TAG: 9704200106

SECTION: LOCAL                   PAGE: B4   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: BY NIA NGINA MEEKS, STAFF WRITER 

DATELINE: VIRGINIA BEACH                    LENGTH:   71 lines

SLEEPOVER MIXES FUN WITH ADVICE TO HELP STRENGTHEN FAMILY TIES 150 ADULTS AND KIDS LEARN ABOUT PARENTING, SELF-ESTEEM, AND ESPECIALLY COMMUNICATION.

As sweaty people in sneaks and gym gear trudged home from the Princess Anne Community Recreation Center Friday night, dozens of families wandered into the center, with sleeping bags and pillows in tow.

From 9 p.m. until 6 a.m. Saturday, about 150 young people and parents from across the Beach took part in ``Sleeping it Out for Survival,'' a nine-hour program filled with forums, food and fun.

All activities were geared toward strengthening family ties, particularly communications skills.

Organizers broke the night's workshops into parents-only and students-only sessions.

``I came because it sounded neat,'' said Shanae Barnett, 12, a sixth-grader at Landstown Middle School. ``But I knew everything.''

Therein lies a common conflict for parents and kids: Each group accuses the other of claiming to know everything, said Harold Hubbard, an assistant professor at Norfolk State University. He led conflict resolution sessions for both groups and offered tips on how to avert potential problems between the generations.

``When two people know everything, how can you talk about anything?'' Hubbard asked. ``Sometimes we forget as parents that we all went through the same process.''

Community Action Resource Empowerment sponsored the program, designed by Joyce Goffigan, a federal AmeriCorps worker. While CARE has sponsored such programs for kids in the past, this is the first time that the group invited parents, too.

Children 4 to 18 were asked to participate. A sitter service was provided for the younger children.

From classes on parenting in the '90s to self-esteem, participants got a smattering of advice.

``We need to get real with the kids and stop sugar-coating things, because the drug dealer and the pimp don't sugar-coat,'' said Malissia Lee, a CARE worker who helped direct the program.

Such frank talk came in a series of men- and women-only sessions held in the later hours.

John Artis, who was born in Portsmouth and gained national recognition when he was cleared in 1988 after spending years in prison on a false triple-murder conviction, talked about trends in the law as it relates to juvenile offenders.

``I can hear that door just like I did June 30, 1967,'' said Artis, now a counselor in Norfolk's juvenile justice system, recalling the day he was imprisoned. ``It's easy to get tripped up. Easy, easy, easy. It's a new day and a new time. Judges have no compunction about giving 100 years.''

In the women-only session, presenters raised issues of rape, sexuality, consequences and esteem. Goal-setting and execution help in decision-making, presenters stressed.

In all, there was something for everyone who attended.

``I was skeptical at first with this one program because the lady said she didn't have any kids,'' said Harriett McCoy, who had come from Indian Lakes with her daughter, 13-year-old Crystal.

``But she had some good things,'' McCoy continued. ``We got a chance to share real-life experiences.''

McCoy's eyes, like many, were near red by the time the sessions ended after midnight. Casualties crashed on couches or curled up on their friends' shoulders.

Enter phase two of the sleep-over: the party.

Kids prowled the center with friends, splashed in the pool or played basketball on the courts. Chicken wings and other goodies enticed many to the serving area.

By 2 a.m., a deejay set up shop and sounds of Blackstreet thumped throughout the center. The music drew kids, and they proceeded to bump and boogie toward dawn.

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