
DATE: Friday, April 25, 1997                TAG: 9704250197

SECTION: DAILY BREAK             PAGE: E10  EDITION: FINAL 

TYPE: MOVIE REVIEW

SOURCE: By Mal Vincent

        Movie Critic

                                            LENGTH:   62 lines

HOMORLESS [HUMORLESS] SCRIPT SINKS BIG-BUDGET ``MCHALE'S NAVY''

Geeeesh! And all we wanted were a few laughs! ``McHale's Navy,'' the latest in a mindless rush to make a big-screen version of every vintage TV series, is surprisingly heavy-handed. Rather than jokes, we get dynamite, torpedos and rockets. ``McHale's Navy'' was a likable-enough ABC series that ran from 1962 until 1966 and used the familiar formula of thwarting military authority. Ernest Borgnine, who played Lt. Commander Quinton McHale, had a fine character-actor movie career following his Oscar win for ``Marty.'' As with many fading film stars, sinking to a TV series was regarded as a last resort but Borgnine emerged more known for this role than his others.

With a new generation of TV viewers seeing the re-runs, Universal yet again has trotted out a TV title. Why did they bother? And, if they were going to bother, why not keep at least the mood of the original?

Tom Arnold is now cast as Naval officer Mchale, the son of Borgnine, who now appears as an admiral. (Blessedly, we are spared the mawkish plot that must have transpired in between to allow the original McHale to ascend to the rank of admiral).

Someone must have told Arnold that he's actually doing ``Mister Roberts,'' a heartfelt World War II comedy which had serious overtones. Arnold, whose career got a boost when he stole ``True Lies'' from Arnold Schwarzenegger, seems determined to prove he's an actor, rather than a clown. His efforts are misplaced. McHale takes time out to talk father talk to a local orphan lad in a last minute effort for poignancy. Poignancy is the one thing we didn't expect from ``McHale's Navy.''

The most disconcerting presence, though, is Tim Curry (minus the garter belt of ``Rocky Horror Picture Show'') as the world's ``second most dangerous terrorist,'' who is working hard to become number one. He wants to establish a world with ``no order'' but is more effective at destroying the film, leaving the world to safely ignore the whole thing. In a burst of surprising expense, Curry sends rockets blaring all over the island. It's proof that there is money to waste.

Dean Stockwell, a fine actor, is totally miscast as Capt. Binghamton, the stuffy, by-the-book type who bumps heads with McHale. Stockwell has one of the most durable careers in film history, dating back to childhood stardom with Frank Sinatra in ``Anchor's Aweigh'' and including distinctive adolescent performances in ``Compulsion'' and ``Sons and Lovers.'' He is not, however, a comic. His idea of being funny is to roll his eyes and mug.

Perhaps a clue to how things went wrong comes from the fact that director, Bryan Spicer's main credit, ere now, was ``Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.''

From James Bond, we expect explosions. From McHale's version of the navy, could we have a few laughs? ILLUSTRATION: MOVIE REVIEW

``McHale's Navy''

Cast: Tom Arnold, David Alan Grier, Dean Stockwell, Debra Messing,

Tim Curry, Ernest Borgnine

Director: Bryan Spicer

MPAA rating: PG (bloodless violence, lots of explosions)

Mal's rating: *

Tom Arnold