
DATE: Saturday, May 3, 1997                 TAG: 9705030053

SECTION: DAILY BREAK             PAGE: E1   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: BY JON FRANK, STAFF WRITER 

                                            LENGTH:   97 lines

LAWYERS TRY TO OUTDO EACH OTHER - AS COMEDIANS

ATTORNEY MICHAEL A. ROBUSTO knows how to work a crowd, especially when it has 12 captive members doing their civic duty by fulfilling a primary responsibility of democracy.

That's where Robusto usually finds himself as a performer: in front of a jury, with a judge, opposing counsel, and maybe a smattering of semi-interested observers scattered about the pews of a courtroom.

But last Friday night, Robusto proved he knows something about working a much larger gathering. He won the title of Funniest Lawyer in Virginia Beach at the third such competition at Grand Affairs on Pleasure House Road.

It's not an annual competition. It's more like occasional. But the money always goes to the same worthy cause - Civitan House, a summer recreation program for persons with mental disabilities. This year the competition raised $4,000.

Just how funny can a lawyer be? Intentionally, that is. No fair counting attorney advertisements on television.

Apparently, it depends on who's in the audience. To other attorneys, they can be really funny.

Maybe it's because attorneys are so often the butt of jokes that they have developed a sharp, Don Rickles-like attack humor, aimed often at other highly paid professions.

Particularly popular on Friday: doctor jokes; jokes about sports stars; politician jokes; ethnic humor.

Most popular of all: good, old-fashioned dirty jokes. Especially dirty jokes of questionable taste. The kind you might expect hearing at truck stops and other establishments.

Some cut across several of the above categories. Like this one from Mark Del Duca, of the Virginia Beach City Attorney's Office:

A man consults with a doctor following his wife's checkup.

Doctor: Your wife has either AIDS or Alzheimer's disease.

Husband: What do I do?

Doctor: Take your wife to Suffolk and kick her out of the car. If she finds her way back home, don't have sex with her.

Also from Del Duca:

What's the name of O.J. Simpson's fraternity?

De capa tata.

And Del Duca took on Mike Tyson. From thousands of miles away, of course. .

On his first day in prison, Tyson is told about the prison schedule.

Prison guard: Mike, do you like basketball?

Tyson: Yes.

Prison guard: Then you are going to like Mondays. Do you like tennis?

Tyson: Yes.

Prison guard: Then you are going to like Tuesdays. Do you like men?

Tyson: No.

Prison guard: You're not going to like Wednesdays.

Political humor was short and not so sweet. This from Norfolk attorney Lawrence Land:

What do you get when you cross an attorney with a politician?

Chelsea Clinton.

But Robusto, and the last funny-lawyer champion, Michael F. Imprevento, took a different approach. Both pulled their humor from family life.

Imprevento looked back to his Italian-American youth in New Jersey, where his father, he said, was the ``botta-bing, porta-potty king.''

That inspired Imprevento's father to to tell young Michael:

``People are always going to have to take a dump. That's the key to your future.''

Imprevento also remembered his Aunt Vivy, who once referrred to a gastroenterologist as a ``gastroastrologist.'' And his Aunt Martha, who looked into the Florida sky as an egret flew by and exclaimed: ``Look. It's beautiful. That ingrate up there.''

Robusto's humor primarily concerned his wife and kids.

His wife, Robusto said, usually has a weak bladder. Car trips require a bathroom stop at least once every couple of hours. But when she goes on a cruise and hits the blackjack table, there is no stopping her.

``Her bladder grows to 33 times its normal size,'' Robusto said.

Robusto got his biggest laughs when he imitated a dance he performs when he mows the lawn and is unlucky enough to disturb the burrowing bees that live there.

``You make moves you wouldn't make if you were being shot with a gun,'' Robusto said as he recreated the gyrations on stage.

Judge Thomas S. Shadrick may have summed up the evening when he was entering Grand Affairs before the competition began. A man headed for another gathering approached Shadrick and others standing outside the room where the funniest lawyer contest was about to begin.

``Can you help me?'' the man asked. ``I'm looking for the room where the Christians are.''

``Well, you sure don't want to go in there,'' Shadrick said. ILLUSTRATION: [Color Photo]

GARY C. KNAPP

Newport News lawyer Timothy Hankins, right, competes for

funniest-lawyer status. Katherine Fine, left, also competed.

GARY C. KNAPP/The Virginian-Pilot

Mark Del Duca, a lawyer in the Virginia Beach City Attorney's

office, competes for the title of Funniest Lawyer at Grand Affairs

in Virginia Beach. It's the third time the competition has been

held.