DATE: Thursday, May 8, 1997                 TAG: 9705080566

SECTION: SPORTS                  PAGE: C01  EDITION: FINAL 

TYPE: Column 

SOURCE: Tom Robinson 

                                            LENGTH:   65 lines

SORRY, HOT AIR AND ICE HOCKEY JUST DON'T MIX

Man, does this town need a major league team.

I'm convinced more than ever after Tuesday, when the Admirals held a press conference to announce they would hold roller hockey clinics this summer, and I, assuming there had to be more, went to it.

A colleague at the paper went to it. TV guys in town went to it. Two of them brought cameras.

We all crammed into the Admirals' locker room. And darned if we didn't listen for half an hour to various Admirals people crow about their new roller hockey clinics.

That, and some minor surgery that a couple of players had gone through, and the birth of a player's daughter.

That was it. No hidden bombs. John Brophy hadn't quit. The team wasn't joining the AHL. The dog mascot hadn't been bitten by a raccoon and become rabid.

Just roller hockey clinics.

Now, I congratulate anybody who's had a child. It's a wonderful thing. And I'm glad everybody's surgery went well. And I hope the summer is full of happy, roller-skating campers.

What depresses me no end, though, is the piddling mentality of the whole charade. And what a sad commentary it is on what reasonable people pass off as sports news around here.

It depresses me that the Admirals felt required to gather the local media for something that was strictly press-release material, even though they had announced the details that morning with a full-page advertisement in the paper.

It disturbs me that so many notebooks and cameras showed up. It insults me that the Admirals resorted to such contrived symbolism - herding us into the locker room to supposedly bring the media ``inside'' the Admirals - and we sat there like sheep listening to a bunch of prattle.

It was bogus - in heaping, steaming amounts.

Something else. The Admirals' piety rankled me. They admit they want to boost their season-ticket sales by maintaining a high profile through the summer for the first time.

That's fine. Businesses are about making money, thus the club's $2 ticket increase announced last week. You don't like it, don't buy. You have a budget, they have a budget.

But at least a dozen times, the Admirals' people said, cloyingly, that the clinics are the club's attempt to ``give something back to the community.''

Please. The Admirals are holding nine three-day clinics, four hours a day. They are charging a maximum of 45 people per clinic $100 to participate. That works out to $4,500 per clinic, or $40,500 for the summer.

The Admirals can make all the money they want, I don't care. Just call it what it is.

Yes, they don't have to limit the enrollment as they say they are doing, so they get points for that. But if they really want to give back, then maybe they should refund everybody's fee at the end, and throw in some autographed pucks while they're at it.

``There is some give and take to it,'' Admirals business manager Brian Kelley told me. ``You're right, it's not the same thing as a charitable contribution.''

Thank you.

And as far as the stuff the Admirals spouted about the importance of keeping the media informed so their fans will stay up-to-date, here's a deal:

When your coach stops blowing off reporters after home playoff games, winning home playoff games, I'll believe you.

Send Suggestions or Comments to webmaster@scholar.lib.vt.edu