DATE: Wednesday, May 14, 1997               TAG: 9705140041

SECTION: DAILY BREAK             PAGE: E1   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: LARRY MADDRY

                                            LENGTH:   71 lines

WHAT'S PROPER ETIQUETTE AT BIZARRE PARTY?

Dear Miss Manners,

I'm planning a trip out West this summer, including San Francisco. While in that city I plan to attend some of the city's cultural events. Something came up last week that has raised questions of a social nature, and your expertise would be helpful.

I refer to a story from The New York Times News Service. Maybe it's better if I begin with that before getting into the questions:

SAN FRANCISCO - The performance artist whose fluid-filled act stunned this city's political elite at the 50th birthday party of 49ers consultant Jack Davis says he was simply putting a modern spin on his American Indian heritage.

However, several San Francisco Bay area Native Americans don't see the connection between traditional Mescalero Apache rites and the routine performed by Steven Johnson Leyba at the Saturday night bash for political consultant Davis, who is running the drive for a new 49ers stadium and who managed the campaigns of Mayor Willie Brown and his predecessor, Frank Jordan.

Leyba wore a sacred ceremonial headdress while a partner carved a satanic star in his back, urinated on it and sodomized Leyba with a bottle of Jack Daniels. . .

Leyba, 30, said in an interview Wednesday that the bottle sodomy, which he calls the Apache whiskey ride, ``is about the alcoholism that destroyed many generations of Native Americans. It's a little metaphor of alcohol being forced on us.''

About 300 people attended the party. Guests included Mayor Brown, Supervisors Barbara Kaufman, Susan Leal and Leland Yee, Sheriff Michael Hennessey, District Attorney Terence Hallinan, City Attorney Louise Renne, 49ers President Carmen Policy and Assemblywoman Carole Migden. . . .

Before getting into important social questions, Miss Manners, I'd like to ask if you know what a Mescalero Apache sacred ceremonial headdress looks like.

The article didn't say. I mention the item because after flying to Albuquerque, I intend to drive west through many Native American reservations, stopping at trading posts to purchase souvenirs. And - I cannot be too firm on this point - I DO NOT WANT TO PURCHASE A MESCALERO APACHE SACRED CEREMONIAL HEADDRESS BY MISTAKE and give anyone the impression I was in the mood for a birthday party.

Far from it. As a matter of fact, I would not even want to purchase a Mescalaro Apache ballcap after reading about what happened to that Leyba fellow. I cannot believe Native Americans are behaving in the way Mr. Leyba would have us believe. But if so, they were better off with alcoholism.

It seems a damn poor way to celebrate a birthday to me, Miss Manners. And I believe I would hold to that view even if the party were for the man heading a fund-raiser to build a stadium for the Washington Redskins. I would like your opinion of that party in terms of etiquette. I find it revolting.

I know we live in a politically correct age, and we must all be sensitive to other people's ways and views. But I'll be damned if we don't have to draw the line somewhere.

And that party, with its baseness and crudity, seems a good place to start. (And I'd almost certainly be of that opinion even if the bottle had been a Lafitte Rothchild.)

The article quoted above states that many attending the birthday bash took a dim view of the performance by Mr. Leyba and his partner. But there's no indication anyone walked out. I would certainly have headed for an exit the moment I saw what was going on. Certainly before the carving of the satanic star was completed. And, hopefully, prior to the urination.

But how? Does one shout: THIS IS DISGUSTING! Does one tiptoe out smiling? Or stomp out? And what about thank-you notes to the host? I don't believe ``Bless you for including me as part of a delightful evening'' is going to hack it.

Thanking you in advance for your consideration of this matter, I remain,

Sincerely yours,

Larry Maddry

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