
DATE: Sunday, June 15, 1997                 TAG: 9706130216

SECTION: SUFFOLK SUN             PAGE: 06   EDITION: FINAL 

TYPE: COVER STORY 

SOURCE: BY FRANK ROBERTS, STAFF WRITER 

                                            LENGTH:  155 lines

HEADS OF THE FAMILYON THIS FATHER'S DAY, THE SUN SALUTES THREE MEMBERS OF A FAST-GROWING GROUP - FAMILIES WITH ONLY A FATHER IN THE HOME.

A study released last week said that from 1976 to 1996, the number of children living with only a father in the home has grown by 220 percent - from 863,000 to 2.8 million.

The study is timely, even in Suffolk.

We talked to three such families and, while that is not enough to be classified as a scientific sampling, it is interesting to note that these men are deeply involved in their childrens lives.

It is not that the single fathers have no choice - they must be mom and dad. The deep involvement is something they want to do, something they love to do.

Arthur Beamon minced no words, becoming quite emotional as he spoke: ``I enjoy being a single dad. I LOVE my kids. Sometimes, I'm afraid I love 'em too much. I know I have to let 'em go some time.''

The kids are 17-year-old Laquanya, a Lakeland High student, and 19-year-old Turin who graduated from Lakeland on Friday.

Turin lives with his dad on South Broad Street. His sister lives with mom.

``I've been a single dad since 1984,'' Beamon said. ``The judge left it up to the kids. Laquanya chose mom, Turin chose me.''

The reasons seem reasonable.

``I wanted to stay with pop,'' Turin said. ``I'd only been seeing him on weekends.''

Laquanya, wanting to balance the scales, said, ``I chose mom. I felt each of us should stay with one parent. We both see the other all the time.''

. . .

Beamon said, ``The family is close. During court proceedings we were scattered but we still love each other.''

The father's love became a father's wrath last year, when Laquanya was the victim of a stabbing by a former boyfriend.

``If I would have seen him then, I wouldn't be here now,'' said Beamon, who is no one's first choice for a tangle.

He has Arnold Schwarzenegger-sized muscles, the result of 12 years of weight lifting.

Behind the Beamon bulldog build is a warm, good-natured man who laughs a lot, and who enjoys talking about his children.

He is there for them, ``trying,'' he said, ``to keep them on the right track. They know that if I tell them anything, it'll be the right thing.''

He doesn't tell them much about homework.

``I leave that up to their mom. I call her `Dictionary,' '' Beamon said.

Dad is in charge of the kitchen at home.

``His best dish is pork chops,'' said Turin, who noted that one of his dad's best attributes is his brains.

Beamon, who has worked at Birdsong Peanuts for 18 years, explains: ``He says that because I handle life real well. I'm a good organizer, and a I'm responsible person. From the time I hit the floor in the morning - I'm thinking - tryin' to keep them going. And, I always try to help others.''

He feels he has helped his children.

``No kid's going to be be perfect, but they're good kids,'' Beamon said. ``They're not on the street all the time and not into drugs. I thank God for that.''

Togetherness with Turin often revolves around sports. ``We watch basketball on television,'' Beamon said. ``He's rooting for Chicago, I'm for Utah.''

There is one bone of contention in the family. ``I smoke . . . The kids have been tryin' to get me to stop.''

Raising a son is worlds apart from raising a daughter. Consider this scenario: ``While Marie was at the beauty parlor getting her hair done - I used to sit there - two hours. I'd bring a book with me.''

Willie Byrd has been a lone parent to his daughter, now a 15-year-old Lakeland student, since she was 3 1/2-years-old.

``That's when I got divorced. My wife didn't contest custody. My grandma, my ma, her family all helped me out. I never had any trouble,'' he said. ``I really wanted the child.''

Marie saw her grandmother often. She and her dad lived with her until 1991.

``After that, I really became a single parent. In '92 we moved into this house,'' Byrd said, as he pointed to several parts of their Osceola Avenue home. ``We picked what we wanted for the exterior and interior. She got the chance to be the decorator.''

Marie usually has the chance to be the family cook. Supper is her thing, housework is his thing, togetherness is their thing.

``He's nice and he's fun to be around. We go to the movies together, and to the mall,'' she said, when asked about her father. ``Sometimes, we just stay home and relax. What I like - is that I get to spend a lot of time with him.''

Some of that time is spent talking about school - a lot of his time is spent at school.

``From kindergarten until now, I missed only about three Parent-Teacher meetings,'' Byrd said. ``I've been to all the parent-teacher conferences, and I went on three field trips with her class when she was going to Kennedy.''

He is close by when Marie gets sick.

``I have an understanding boss,'' said Byrd, a mechanic for the city for 15 years. ``I take off and stay with her. I save my sick time, comp time and vacation in case I have to be be with her when she's sick.

``Whatever she has to do,'' he said. ``I'm there with her.''

He is not alone.

Byrd, whose smile echoes his attitude toward life, credits the help of family and friends, especially, he said, ``my grandma.''

He gives most of the credit for the happy, successful relationship, ``to the Lord.''

Sarah Marsh took a notebook and wrote, ``I like my dad because he loves me.''

That was followed by a hug from the perky, chatty 7-year-old. Her brother, Tony, is 9. Their dad, Jeff Marsh, is 34.

He has had custody of the children for 2 1/2-years, ``since my wife and I separated,'' he said. ``She lives about four houses down. We work well together with the kids.''

Marsh has a philosophy about raising those kids. ``Make the decision - go a day at a time.''

His most important child-rearing philosophies, though, center around his religious beliefs.

``We're active at Nansemond River Baptist. The church is the foundation for raising a family,'' said Marsh, who lifts that foundation from church to his North Nansemond Drive house.

``We often talk about Bible studies at home,'' he said, ``and I read the kids a story out of a children's Bible every night.''

School is second in importance. The children attend Driver Elementary, and dad is there quite often.

``I'm active with the PTA and I attend the Parent-Teachers conferences. I stay in contact with the teachers, regularly,'' said Marsh, 34.

He works in the sheet metal department of the Newport News Naval Shipyard, gets home about 4 p.m., cooks supper - chicken is the family favorite - and helps the kids. The children stay with a friend until he returns from work. In the morning, the friend helps prepare breakfast.

``It's working out really well - a lot of good friends, and wonderful kids,'' said Marsh, patriarch of an ``Mayberry''-type of family.

Tony describes his dad as ``fun. We play catch in the back yard.''

The family does not catch much television, ``except for something special,'' Marsh said. ``Sometimes, we'll rent a movie.''

There is too much else going on. For one thing, the family is active with the Bennett's Creek Little League. The kids play and dad has been coaching for five years.

The family enjoys playing sports, and watching. They attend many Admirals and Tides games.

``I have no complaints,'' Marsh said. ``I enjoy life - good friends, wonderful kids and a great God - works out real well.'' ILLUSTRATION: Staff photos including color cover by MICHAEL KESTNER

Willie Byrd has raised his daughter Marie, 15, with the help of his

mother and grandmother since the girl was 3 1/2 years old. Marie is

a member of a fast-growing group of children - those raised with

only a father in the home.

Jeff Marsh gets a big hug from daughter Sarah, 7, recently while

watching brother Tony, 9, at batting practice at the Bennett's Creek

Little League fields in Driver.

Arthur Beamon, left, got custody of his son Turin, while daughter

Laquanya went to live with her mother. But he still spends a lot of

time with her.

The Marsh family - son, Tony, 9; father, Jeff, 34; and daughter

Sarah, 7 - at the Little League field in Driver.