
DATE: Thursday, July 31, 1997               TAG: 9707300226

SECTION: NORFOLK COMPASS         PAGE: 10   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: BY JOAN C. STANUS, STAFF WRITER 

                                            LENGTH:  105 lines

YOUNGSTERS GET HEAPING HELPING OF ETIQUETTE DINERS TOLD TO ``MIND YOUR MANNERS''

JOAN JONES is aghast.

They've only had soup so far, and her daughter, Brittany, is nonchalantly using a fork to spear a lemon slice floating in a glass of iced tea, positioned perilously close to the table's edge.

``Tell her to stop it,'' Jones frantically mouths to her husband, David, seated next to their daughter.

Dad whispers a quiet scolding to the 8-year-old, who reluctantly puts down the fork and hangs her guilty head.

Still nervous, Mom leans across the table, over her 6-year-old son who is seated between the two females, and gingerly pushes the glass back toward the center of the table.

With the dining disaster averted for now, Jones gives her daughter an approving nod.

At the head of the table, Linda Dyer, Hampton Roads' version of Miss Manners, reminds the 30 or so diners assembled at this special Chrysler Museum dinner that the serving area in front of them ``is your little domain.''

``You want to keep it as neat as possible at all times during the meal,'' explains Dyer, president and founder of Pretty Me Inc. ``If you don't like lemon in your tea . . . it's perfectly acceptable to use your spoon to remove it and put it on your serving dish.''

Brittany's head shoots up and she flashes a grin at her mother.

With a collective sigh, the Jones family braces for the next course.

On a recent Saturday evening, dressed in their frills, lace, ties and other finery, mothers, daughters, fathers, sons, grandmothers - and even one former economics professor from Russia who ``never got this education'' - gathered at the Norfolk museum to get a heaping helping of dining etiquette while feasting on chicken Parmesan, tossed salad and strawberry shortcake.

``This is very important to know,'' explained Maya Semayonova, a Moscow native who now lives in Ghent. ``I want to learn more for myself. It's for beauty of how you look to know this. I wish I could open the mind of people to take children and learn these lessons . . . In America, it is terrible. People eat with mouth open.''

It is Dyer's mission to change that. During the three-hour meal, the impeccably dressed instructor charms and regales the diners with tips and rules on everything from eating soup (``I have a little saying: Soup should be seen and not heard'') to the proper way to open a sugar packet (``Tear it so you don't have two pieces of trash to mess up your serving area'').

``If you listen tonight, next time you're faced with three forks, two spoons and two knives when you sit down to eat, you won't have to get butterflies in your tummies,'' Dyer assured the gathering. ``You're not born knowing this; we all have to learn it together.''

Even the ``older'' students admitted they were glad for a refresher course on how to butter bread, keep from spilling soup and graciously getting rid of offensive courses.

``I guess you're never too old to brush up on your manners,'' Marina Allen confided to a table mate. Allen had brought her 7-year-old daughter, Courtney, a second-grader at Taylor Elementary School, to the dinner.

``I'm learning things, too,'' the woman admitted.

The ``Mind Your Manners'' program was part of the activities surrounding the museum's current exhibit, ``The Art of the Silversmith.'' Before sitting down to the dinner, catered by Tandom's Madison Grill, the diners received a guided tour through the display.

``Many times, silver is handed down from generation to generation,'' noted Barbara Easton Moore, a planning consultant for the Chrysler's education department. ``This was an opportunity to plant a seed of interest and delight in these children so they'll appreciate the family's silver when it is handed down to them.

``Also, we wanted to do something fun so that when they go back to their homes, they'll appreciate the work their mothers put in to creating a meal.''

Learning to appreciate mealtime, in fact, was the impetus for the Jones family's attendance at the event. With both parents working high-powered, time-consuming jobs, the Joneses often eat meals in shifts, in front of the television or at restaurants.

Joan Jones said she realized something ``drastic'' was needed to turn her family's dining habits around. The ``Mind Your Manners'' program seemed like the perfect way to inspire them.

``We're a '90s family and we don't have a lot of quality time at the table,'' the pharmaceutical sales representative said. ``I wanted my children to know how to have good table manners. Hopefully, after this, it will come alive for them and they'll learn what is proper to do.''

Her husband, a Virginia Beach dentist, admitted he and the children had no idea before heading to downtown Norfolk that evening what was in store for them. ``We had no choice in the matter,'' he laughed.

As ``the one who probably inspired all this,'' Brittany initially balked at the idea, according to Dad.

``I didn't want to come here when my Mom said it was about learning good table manners,'' the girl admitted.``I'm not that good at that. Mom doesn't like the way I eat. It's hard for me to eat without making noises. But I'm having fun so far. And I'm learning stuff. Maybe, it's not so bad after all.''

As the salad arrived, that pesky piece of lemon was nowhere to be seen. ILLUSTRATION: Staff photos by BILL TIERNAN

Amie Goldsberry, 5, carefully takes a bite of her salad as she

listens to the do's and don'ts of dining.

Linda Dyer, standing, explains the proper way to salt and pepper

your food to those assembled for the Mind Your Manners dinner at The

Chrysler Museum.

ABOVE: Hannah Gardner, 8, tries to eat her soup quietly during the

dinner at the Chrysler Museum.

AT LEFT: As the waiter removes his soup bowl, Brandon Jones, 6,

waits for the next course to be served.