DATE: Friday, August 8, 1997                TAG: 9708080085

SECTION: DAILY BREAK             PAGE: E1   EDITION: FINAL 

                                            LENGTH:   58 lines

A DATE WITH VIOLENCE: HE WANTED TO BE THE BOSS

Dating violence is real. According to statistics compiled by author Barrie Levy, one in every four high school students will be involved in at least one violent relationship before graduating. What follows is a personal account by an 18-year-old student at Woodrow Wilson High School in Portsmouth.

IT REALLY wasn't a lot of physical abuse, but it was from time to time.

``I was with him for four years. I have a baby by the guy. And it (the abuse) didn't start until after I had my baby, because he wanted me to do what he wanted me to and to be what he wanted me to be.

``And being the person that I am, I like to do what I like to do, so he started getting abusive. It wasn't fun. Sometimes I'd sit down and cry or whatever.

``There were a couple of times where I had to call the police, but other than that, the relationship was all right. He wasn't really an abusive person. Most of the time, it wasn't punches or things like that. It was more shaking or pushing or a slap. But it wasn't any hard punches where I had bruises. But it was still physical abuse.

``My baby is eight months old now. I'm not in that relationship any more. The abuse had stopped, but we just decided it was best for us not to be together, to just deal with each other on the child's behalf. That's it.

``I have no idea why he started acting like that after the baby was born, but he just wanted to be the boss all of a sudden. He just wanted me to do what he said. He didn't want me to go anywhere. He wanted me to stay home. He felt that since I had a baby, I should be home with my baby, that I shouldn't be out on the street or anything like that.

``He's 21. My relationship with him now is better. We don't really argue with each other. He comes around every other day, most times to see the baby. He does what he's supposed to when it comes to the baby.

``But as far as me and him, we don't argue as much because we stay away from each other. Basically, we were, like, living together. But now, since he's away, it's better. I was 13 when we started our relationship.

``One time when I had to call the police, it was because he had gotten intoxicated and he had gotten mad because I wouldn't come over to see what he wanted.

``So he got mad and pulled me out the front door, threw me on the ground and threw a glass bottle at me. That was the last incident. I called the police; they wrote up a report and they told me I had a year to take a warrant out on him if I wanted to.

``The police helped. They'll call me every once in awhile to ask me will I be coming down to take out the warrant, and I'll tell them that I haven't had any more trouble out of him but if I do, I still have my report where I can come down there and take out the warrant.

``The abuse started in January . . . and it went on for four or five months. The violence never got any worse. It was just the same thing over and over again.

``I told my friends about it (but not her parents). My friends told me the first couple of times that I didn't need to be with him. But being that I was so in love with him, I stayed. Then I realized I didn't need this, so I left him alone. We split up about a month and a half ago.'' KEYWORDS: TEENS ABUSE

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