DATE: Sunday, August 17, 1997               TAG: 9708170096

SECTION: LOCAL                   PAGE: B3   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: BY ADAM BERNSTEIN, STAFF WRITER 
DATELINE: VIRGINIA BEACH                    LENGTH:   82 lines

CHRISTIAN SINGLES MEET AT CBN NATIONAL CONFERENCE DISCUSSION AT THE FOUR-DAY EVENT OFFERED ADVICE FOR FINDING LIFELONG COMPANIONS.

At the seventh annual national conference for single Christians, the 220 attendees at the event were looking more for fellowship than love.

On Saturday, however, love was on their minds.

After a few general questions and comments, a morning question-and-answer session began to resemble an advice column.

One featured speaker, the Rev. Herb Brisbane, who founded the National Black Singles Conference in 1986, made a hit when he told the rapt crowd his recipe for finding a mate.

``You'd want to watch this young man over a period of time, and watch how he treats his mother,'' the 43-year-old Brisbane said. ``Because he's not going to treat you any better than he treats his mother.

``And guys, you watch how she treats her father.''

Presented by CBN Ministry Events, a division of Pat Robertson's Christian Broadcasting Network, the four-day event, which ends today, drew people from as far away as Peru.

Ages ranged from the 20s upward, and the male-female ratio was split down the middle, said Marti Paradee, the director of CBN Ministry Events.

Above all, the conference stressed, beware the dangers of rushing relationships simply because the years are flying by.

``Not only can the Lord send you somebody,'' Brisbane said about the dangers of speeding a relationship, ``but Satan can send you somebody, too.''

The message resonated with Cathie Shaw, a 33-year-old divorcee who traveled from Warren, Ohio, to attend.

She had asked during the Q&A about leaving abusive relationships, even though 1 Corinthians 7:10 says: ``The wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, let her remain single or else be reconciled to her husband) - and that the husband should not divorce his wife.''

Brisbane and the other Q&A panelist, Linda Mintle, a Norfolk-based psychologist specializing in marriage therapy, explained that God doesn't want people abused. But neither is divorce to be taken lightly.

``It really is between the Lord and the person,'' Shaw said later, agreeing.

Most of the attendees were not looking to pair up at the conference, even if the talk seemed to indicate a preoccupation with dating.

``Where I live, I'm not exposed to a lot of Christian singles,'' said Laurie Stephens, 43, a divorcee from Oneonta, N.Y. ``Everyone here understands what I'm going through.''

This singles session was titled ``Fulfilling Your Expectations.'' The idea, Paradee said, was that ``everything will come to pass if it's his purpose.''

That is, single Christians need not despair their marital status if they trust in God's plan.

The message was expressed in comic and serious ways on Saturday.

Emceeing the question-and-answer session was Bob Morgan, 42, an advertising executive at The Virginian-Pilot. With self-deprecating wit, Morgan described what it was like to be introduced by his father at picnics:

`` `This is my son, Bob, and he's single, and he can go out with anyone he pleases. The problem is, he doesn't please anybody.' ''

With ``amens'' heavily peppering his sermon, which followed the Q&A, Brisbane described the biggest problem facing single Christians: low self-esteem.

``Don't make your loneliness make you settle for second best,'' said Brisbane, 43, of Alpharetta, Ga.

Many were searching for answers to problems afflicting their everyday lives. One woman, for example, asked how to rein in her 25-year-old son, who's living in an ``unequally yoked'' relationship.

That term, a variation of 2 Corinthians 6:14, was cited frequently by attendees to describe a Christian partnered with a non-Christian.

Mintle explained it was necessary for the woman to express her feelings, to let the son know her disappointment with his choice.

In an interview after his sermon, Brisbane said, ``My job is to tell them God does not make junk. . . . I help singles to be whole. You don't have to be married to be whole.''

On Friday, the Christian pop group Avalon appeared.

Saturday's ministering and Q&A gave way to a dance, sponsored by the Virginia Beach chapter of a dating service called Equally Yoked, Paradee said. ILLUSTRATION: Graphic

SINGLES EVENT

CBN Ministry Events is coordinating another Christian singles

event Nov. 20 through 23, with the title ``It's a Wonderful Life.''

For details, call (800) 677-8117.

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