DATE: Friday, August 22, 1997               TAG: 9708221032

SECTION: SPORTS                  PAGE: C1   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: BOB MOLINARO

                                            LENGTH:   60 lines

SOCCER TELLS OUR AREA WHAT NHL AND NBA ALREADY KNOW

Reality check: Hampton Roads' major-league aspirations suffered a swift kick in the shorts when Major League Soccer officials, citing the size of our TV market (40th in the country), rated the area's chances for an expansion franchise as slim and none. Can we expect the NHL or NBA to embrace a community that has been rejected by soccer?

Wimp justice: Either Norv Turner isn't as angry with Michael Westbrook as he wants us to believe, or he doesn't have a clue. If being forced to miss a meaningless exhibition game in muggy Miami is intended as punishment then there are a lot of Redskins veterans who would gladly meet Turner at the woodshed.

Gridlock awaiting: For Redskins ticket holders, one statistic worth knowing about Jack Kent Cooke Stadium is that between 20,000 and 23,000 vehicles per game will be inching their way into the parking lots. The first game is Sept. 14. Leave now.

'Boys will be boys: After Dallas Cowboys players did several thousands dollars worth of damage to their training camp dormitory - the smell of urine permeated the hallways - law-and-order owner Jerry Jones said, ``I don't think our activities were anything that would affect our image.'' He's right about that.

An earful: Louis Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam have invited Mike Tyson and Evander Holyfield to their Oct. 13 National Day of Atonement. The centerpiece of the occasion is a lecture by Farrakhan, who, as a long-winded public speaker, has chewed a few ears himself.

Only in America: Now that he's been inducted (or is it indicted?) into boxing's Hall of Fame, Don King says he will devote his energies toward getting Pete Rose into baseball's shrine. With friends like that, Pete doesn't need any more enemies.

Habla Espanol? Wonder why tennis is losing popularity in America? In the men's draw at the U.S. Open, only two Americans are seeded. Meanwhile, Spain has five players in the top 16.

Altitude sickness: New York's 22,500-seat Arthur Ashe Stadium is the world's premier tennis facility if you overlook the fact that following the little fuzzy ball is impossible from the nosebleed sections. For better sightlines, book passage on the Goodyear Blimp.

Keeping count: Tennis isn't the only sport with an important alien influence. On the red, white and blue PGA tour, the list of Top 10 money winners includes five foreigners.

If it works for golf: The next Rolling Stones rock 'n roll expedition should be titled, ``The Seniors Tour.''

Triple threat: Think Heisman holder Danny Wuerffel won't adjust to life in the NFL? You might feel differently if you knew he graduated from Florida with a degree in journalism and public relations. With those skills, he's two-thirds of the way home.

Perspective: When you come across the story of Michael Helfen of Dyer, Ind., who is pitching in the Little League World Series while battling leukemia, those injury reports from NFL training camps and big-league clubhouses couldn't seem more trivial.

Buzz cut: For rookie Brent Burnstein it was a case of hair today, gone tomorrow when he quit the Tennessee Oilers rather than allow veterans to shear his locks. Burnstein and his tresses parted for a tryout with the Arizona Cardinals, which he hopes is his hair club for men.

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