DATE: Tuesday, September 2, 1997            TAG: 9709010002

SECTION: DAILY BREAK             PAGE: E1   EDITION: FINAL 

SOURCE: BY LINDA McNATT, STAFF WRITER 

                                            LENGTH:   79 lines

CHAT ROOM IS SOURCE OF CYBER SUPPORT IN BATTLING CANCER

PAULINE ``PAT'' STOW had never met the two women standing in her driveway, but she hugged them as if they were sisters.

In a way, they are.

Stow; Susan Frisius of South Hadley, Mass.; and Nellaine Price of Raleigh, N.C., each had heard the words ``I'm sorry; it's breast cancer.''

Except for that, they never would have met.

They came together this week to bind the friendship that started on the Internet and stretched - in an especially difficult time for the Suffolk woman - from Alaska to Florida.

``How did you do this?'' she asked the other women as they stood outside her Whaleyville home. ``How did you get all of these presents together?''

Most were small things - fragrant candles, guardian angels, souvenirs, pressed flowers - accompanied by encouraging letters and explanations of why they had been chosen for Stow.

The chat group, BC Forum, started with one woman in January. It has grown to more than 70. Each has either survived breast cancer or is battling it. Husbands and boyfriends frequently join the computer conversations.

It fills a void for rural women who might have to drive for hours to attend support group meetings, said Frisius, the founder. And it's filled a void for those who need support but still feel unable to go out in public.

``You don't have to dress up; you don't have to wear your wig,'' she said. ``You can wear your pajamas. You don't have to wear anything. Just talk.''

The talk consists of about 30 percent breast cancer - treatments, drugs, alternative therapies, side effects from drugs - and 30 percent family.

And there is the humor.

On alternative uses for a prosthesis: ``You can use it for a Frisbee; beat off a mugger,'' Frisius said. ``You can freeze it and float it in your punch bowl,'' Price said.

``If we weren't laughing, we'd be crying,'' Frisius said. ``Most of us would rather laugh.''

Stow found the support group while at home recovering from surgery. Diagnosed with breast cancer last December, she had surgery in January. Doctors believed they had removed all of the cancer, but she learned recently that the disease has moved to her bone marrow.

That prompted the Massachusetts woman to drive 16 hours and the North Carolina woman to join her in Suffolk this week. Stow needed a little extra support, Frisius said.

The trip is the third ``home visit'' for Frisius, 47. She also has gone to Indiana and Georgia. Other members join when they're able.

Frisius found the lump in her right breast through self-examination. Even though a surgeon advised that it was nothing to worry about, she insisted on a biopsy.

She heard the words of the sisterhood in January 1994.

``It turned my world absolutely upside down,'' Frisius said.

Price, known as ``Madam Zonga'' on the chat line, discovered she had breast cancer through a routine mammogram. Last December, in a seven-hour operation to remove the fast-spreading cancer, Price, 43, had a radical mastectomy on both breasts and reconstructive surgery.

Because the women who meet at 8 p.m. in the Internet chat room three nights a week are from different parts of the country, they hear about all kinds of treatments and get all kinds of information.

They know now, for example, that chemotherapy doesn't cause you to lose only the hair on your head but most of your body hair.

``You don't have to shave your legs as often; that's a plus,'' Stow said, smiling as the group sat in her Suffolk living room.

They know now, too, that genetics isn't as significant a risk factor as once thought.

The chat room humor caught Price's attention originally, but the understanding and compassion she's gotten from her friends has since come to mean even more.

``My mother died three years ago,'' she said. ``When I heard the diagnosis, I wanted my mother. These women have given me some of the comfort I needed.''

Stow, who also attends a support group at Obici Hospital, said: ``These people didn't know me from Adam, but they accepted me; they encouraged me. They've sent me flowers, cards, letters. Why, I've got people all over the country praying for me. It means a lot.'' ILLUSTRATION: Color photo by John H. Sheally

Pat Stow, center, embraces Susan Frisius... KEYWORDS: BREAST CANCER INTERNET

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