DATE: Thursday, October 23, 1997            TAG: 9710230004

SECTION: LOCAL                   PAGE: B11  EDITION: FINAL 

TYPE: OPINION 

SOURCE: Patrick Lackey

                                            LENGTH:   85 lines

MATERIALISM WANTING CAN LEAD TO WORK, DUMBER WARNS

Cousin Dumber stopped by my house the other day to partake of however many beers I had in the fridge.

Turned out there were six, none of which I was in the mood for. While Dumber downed the first three, he and I discussed sports. Midway through his fourth brew, Dumber suddenly turned philosophic. He does that whenever his head starts to buzz.

We were seated at the kitchen table. Dumber belched, wiped his lips with the back of one hand, and declaimed in as deep a voice as he could manage, ``Corruption begins with wanting things.''

``Whoa, man, that's heavy,'' I said, reverting to language from an earlier period in my life. Dumber does that to me. His observation seemed especially profound coming hard on the heels of our debate over which team is worse, the Cubs or the Phillies.

``It's as true as bass biting before it rains,'' Dumber said. ``Corruption begins with wanting things.''

``Did you think of that?'' I asked.

``No, but I know it. I feel it. Cus D'Amato, the guy who trained Mike Tyson back when Tyson was great, he said that. Look where wanting things got Tyson.''

``The slammer?''

``Darned tootin'.''

``Now that you mention it, Dumber, I've always been suspicious of anybody who's overly fond of nice things. Not just politicians, but preachers, professors, poets, journalists or anybody else. Wanting makes you vulnerable. Wanting with all your heart makes you especially vulnerable. Wanting means you'll pay a high price.''

``Like maybe you'll take a job.''

``Yeah, Dumber, it can lead to that. Obviously you've controlled your wants.''

``I like to think so. Got another beer?''

Dumber went on to wonder aloud what's beyond our universe and what's beyond that and beyond that and that and that and that and that. ``If it's all a big balloon,'' he said, ``something's got to be outside the balloon, don't it? Is it a bigger balloon?''

But my head was stuck on thoughts about wanting things.

This year, 1.3 million Americans are expected to file for bankruptcy. If the actual number turns out to be 1.4 million, it will match the number of Americans in the military. We're the greatest armed power on Earth, but we'll have about as many people go bankrupt as we have soldiers and sailors.

Why? Because of wanting things.

Meanwhile there are 1.7 million inmates in American prisons and jails. Some were merely violent. Most, though, wanted things and took them - illegal drugs, TV sets, whatever.

So we have 3 million people either behind bars or bankrupt.

That's heavy. That's every man, woman and child in Hampton Roads times two.

There's been a profound change in America. It used to be that you worked hard and then you got what you wanted. The work came first.

``If you don't have a heart attack in your 40s,'' white males used to say, ``you aren't trying hard enough.'' They were only half joking.

Back then, a finance company jingle began, ``Never borrow money needlessly, but when you must. . . .'' Back then, filing for bankruptcy was cause for shame.

Today, of course, you're supposed to get what you want, then figure out a way to pay for it. Or you just steal it.

``Don't bring a single dollar!'' the TV commercial says. ``Nothing down, no interest, no payment. We don't even want to hear from you till your rich aunt dies.'' Or something like that.

One other thing seems to have changed over time. You used to be what you did. Today, you're what you own. You're your car, your house, your country club membership, your purebred dog, your watch.

In professional sports, as in much of business, you're your salary or your title.

Several years ago Shawn Kemp passed directly from high school to the NBA. After recently signing a contract for a reported seven years and $107 million, he exclaimed, ``I came into this league a man-child, and with this, I'm a man.''

He didn't lead any team to a championship. He didn't lead the league in any category other than complaints. But he's rich, and apparently in his book that makes him a man. Before, he made only a few million a year.

After Dumber killed my last beer, he remembered errands he had to run. ``What do you want, Dumber?'' I asked as he stood to leave.

``I want the fish to bite.'' MEMO: Mr. Lackey is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot.

Send Suggestions or Comments to webmaster@scholar.lib.vt.edu