DATE: Saturday, November 8, 1997            TAG: 9711080001

SECTION: LOCAL                   PAGE: B7   EDITION: FINAL 

TYPE: OPINION 

SOURCE: KERRY DOUGHERTY

                                            LENGTH:   80 lines

THE AU PAIR TRIAL A LESSON FROM EXPERIENCE: IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE LOUISE

``We believe Louise'' has been the rallying cry of supporters for Louise Woodward, the British au pair who killed an 8-month-old Massachusetts infant by shaking him.

Little Matthew Eappen died last February, and 19-year-old Woodward was convicted last week of second degree murder for his death.

The evidence linking her with this crime was entirely circumstantial, but what else could there be when the only possible eyewitness to the crime was the victim's toddler brother?

Frankly, I don't believe Louise.

I've had a special interest in this case because my husband and I had au pairs living with us for five years. Living with a teen-age girl whom you neither love nor even like can be a challenging arrangement. Some of our au pairs were wonderful girls to whom we still write and phone. Two were not.

Having lived with two unhappy and resentful au pairs, I can see how an au pair who's decided that her social life is more important than her job could easily become frustrated enough to hurt a child. The risk to babies - who can't talk - is even greater.

Let's face it: Most teen-age girls make lousy mothers, which makes you wonder why au pair agencies place relatively inexperienced youngsters in homes with very young babies.

Woodward's story is the classic tale of an au pair-host family relationship gone sour. She originally came to America to live with another family, but after a few months and numerous disputes over curfews, she was dismissed. She was then teamed up with the Eappens.

Things weren't much better in this two-physician home. Woodward was a party girl. She had a fake ID, liked nightclubs and engaged in underage drinking. According to Newsweek, she attended productions of the hip musical ``Rent'' 20 times and liked staying out past midnight, even when she had to care for the children in the morning.

Newsweek said that five days before Matthew was hospitalized, the Eappens threatened to fire her if she wasn't home by at least by 11 on weeknights. Resentful, Woodward complained to her friends that she did not like the Eappens, they were ``demanding,'' the children were ``spoilt,'' and even more chillingly, she complained that 8-month-old Matthew was a ``brat.''

It's likely the jury in the Woodward case had a hard time squaring the Mary Poppins image her high-priced defense lawyers tried to craft with the boozing, whining, defiant teen-ager who emerged from prosecution testimony.

After living through both the joys and horrors of having au pairs under my roof, it's miraculous to me that there aren't more Louise Woodward cases, more dead or injured babies, considering the fact there are about 12,000 au pairs in the country at any one time and they spend only a few days in training. When we were in the program there were more than 50 au pairs in Hampton Roads.

Some of these girls are positively saintly. They love children, want to experience American culture, take classes, learn English and be part of an American family. Others, however, simply find being an au pair the easiest way to get an American visa.

I have many pleasant memories of our au pair days. But the good times are overshadowed by the memory I have of the day my son split his head open and needed stitches while in the care of a German au pair who had been forbidden to have her boyfriend in our house when we weren't home. We learned from our son after the accident that he cracked his head while being chased by the au pair's boyfriend - in our kitchen.

Our trust in that girl was instantly shattered and her remaining months with us were fraught with problems.

My heart goes out to the Eappens. I know why they went the au pair route. Like my husband and me, the Eappens wanted the convenience of live-in help, the continuity of having their children cared for at home and the interesting experience of having someone share their culture and traditions with the family.

Every year thousands of au pairs come to America and leave without incident. Many form lifelong bonds with the children and their parents. Others, unfortunately, leave after bitter struggles with the host families and American customs.

If justice is served, Louise Woodward won't be leaving at all. At least until she serves 15 years of her life sentence. To those who think the punishment doesn't fit the crime, remember that Matthew Eappen never even got a year. MEMO: Ms. Dougherty is an editorial writer for The Virginian-Pilot.

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