DATE: Thursday, November 13, 1997           TAG: 9711120655

SECTION: LOCAL                   PAGE: B3   EDITION: FINAL 

TYPE: Military 

SOURCE: DIANE TENNANT, STAFF WRITER 

                                            LENGTH:   97 lines

LINKS A NEW PROGRAM FOR MARINE SPOUSES WILL HELP THEM SURVIVE - AND THRIVE- IN THE COMMUNITY INSTEAD OF FEELING ISOLATED.

They're few but they're proud and, yes, they are Marines.

Marine spouses.

But the oral tradition that used to pass along that proud heritage from experienced wife to new spouse has largely faded away. So today's spouses are forging a new link between past and present.

Called, appropriately enough, LINKS, the program aims to teach Marine spouses what others have learned through experience: customs, traditions, survival, community, networking. The program will begin soon in Hampton Roads, said Wendy Graefe, local organizer and wife of a Marine staff sergeant.

``The Marines are America's 911 force, and families play a role in it,'' Graefe said. ``We live in a new era where they realize how important families are: how they can mean the success of a mission or the failure of a mission.''

Life in Hampton Roads can be lonely for the the 300-plus Marine spouses, because they are isolated and nearly eclipsed by the massive Navy presence here. In fact, Graefe said, she isn't even sure how many Marine spouses really are in the area. But she knows it will grow.

The Marines moved their Atlantic headquarters out of Norfolk in summer 1994, taking a three-star general and 150-member staff. The corps also shut down Norfolk's Camp Elmore and reassigned about 450 Marines who had been based there. But earlier this year the decision was made to return the staff to Norfolk.

Building a sense of community for Marine families is an important goal, Graefe said.

The LINKS program takes about three days, each session lasting from two to three hours.

``We cover things as serious as deployment, but we also do things as trivial as `Do you realize the commissary is usually cold? Bring a sweater,' '' Graefe said. ``We've instituted a mentoring program and we work in small groups.''

LINKS was conceived in August 1995 when Graefe and a small group of Marine spouses, including the commandant's wife, sat down to talk about mentoring. The first program was tested in January 1997, and the commandant, who funds the program, has ordered that all Marine bases offer LINKS by the summer of 1998.

Graefe is busy now recruiting volunteers to help with everything from mentoring to office work to setting up refreshments.

``When a young Marine goes in, he gets introduced to corps life through boot camp. But when you're a spouse, you don't get that same introduction.''

Marine spouses may not know, for example, why their husbands are called ``leathernecks.'' It's because of the leather collar band that used be part of the uniform.

They may not know why Marines are called ``devil dogs.'' It's a nickname earned during the fierce battle of Belleau Wood in 1918 to stop the Germans on the road to Paris.

Graefe compares marrying a Marine to entering a foreign country. ``You would never go to Paris without learning something about the culture,'' she said. ``They have a different language. We have acronyms galore. Marines, they don't tend to talk in full sentences. They have a foreign money system.''

All this and more is covered in LINKS Surviving - indeed, thriving - during deployments. Knowing whom to contact with questions and problems. Knowing not to park in the CO's spot. And networking with other spouses.

``We want them to walk away feeling that they're not stupid and they're not alone,'' Graefe said. ``We empower spouses by giving them knowledge, but we temper that knowledge with responsibility.

``We talk about how, in the military, there are systems and you have to go up the chain of command. There's a definite structure in the corporate world. It's not just something the Marine Corps does to make your life miserable, it's part of business.

``We're frank at times. The Marine Corps is not a democracy,'' she added. ``When you're told to go, you go. It doesn't matter that it's your anniversary.''

Spouses new to Hampton Roads may not know that they can bring an out-of-town visitor to the commissary, as long as they also bring the visitor's airplane ticket that shows the date he or she will be leaving. Spouses may not know that they can get a waiver on utility deposits.

Graefe, being a Marine wife, uses the acronym WOW (Words of Wisdom) to describe such information. She hopes to wow Marine spouses with a formal LINKS session soon.

Spouses of retired Marines are also welcome.

``These retired spouses have been there and done that,'' Graefe said. ``They're a wonderful resource waiting to be tapped into.''

LINKS will offer free on-site child care for participants. The sessions end with a tote bag full of information and a ``bon voyage'' party to celebrate the spouses' journey into foreign territory.

``We need to build a Marine Corps community here,'' Graefe said. ``Our biggest goal besides knowledge is networking. That is a really strong source of support.

``If you have strong families, you're going to have a strong military.'' MEMO: For more information, or to volunteer to help with LINKS, call

Graefe at 423-8057. ILLUSTRATION: Photo by Motoya Nakamura/The Virginian-Pilot

Wendy Graefe...

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